Christmas Love Formulae (and how to break them)

Ho-ho-ho motherfuckers. I’m back, whether you like it or not, to talk more about Christmas. As you might be aware by now, I really love Christmas. I start listening to Christmas music in June. Another part I love about Christmas are the movies of course. Whether it’s the shitty hallmark movies or the time-tested classics, I don’t discriminate, they’re all fantastic in my opinion. If not for quality, then for just how terrible they are. Fortunately for me, shitty Christmas movies recycle the same tropes time and time again, so there are endless works of art for me to enjoy. You could say that these cheesy love movies always follow the same formula… Too on the nose? Anyway, let’s disect some of the typical tropes, and also discuss some movies that break them. 

Our first shitty movies starts in a bustling metropolitan city. Some big-shot workaholic early thirties career woman is finally taking her first break in 6 years of working, and is going home for Christmas. Turns out she’s from some rural-ass mountain town where the entire economy consists of small artisan stores and volunteers. Here she meets an old highschool friend that always had a crush on her. Now this dude is a lumberjack, or a veterinarian, or a volunteer at the local homeless shelter. It takes our city girl a bit to get used to the small-town rhythm, but when she finally gives in she falls hopelessly in love with the guy and has to win him back in a last act display of love that convinces him to spend his life with someone he’s known for 9 days.  

A homecoming love story like this is super common for Christmas movies. Reconsidering your priorities in life and cherishing your loved ones is what’s Christmas is all about. Coming home is both a change of scenery, a catalyst for self-reflection, and unites someone with their family to celebrate Christmas. Also, movies like this depict the small town as super unrealistic and wholesome to make it feel more Christmassy, which leads to some hilarious results if you pay attention to it. However, the lack of realism makes the movies sort of kitschy in my opinion. 

Our second amazing prototypical Christmas movie is about a single guy who absolutely hates Christmas. He has a boring office job; a dumb and kinda weird friend that doesn’t understand why his life isn’t perfect; and a huge dog. Our protagonist, let’s call him Jeff, does not have the best relationship with his family, primarily his problem, and is not intending to come home for Christmas. Then when Jeff is walking his dog, he bumps into a girl with a very small dog, the leashes tangle and they get pulled close together. To apologize the girl invites Jeff to lunch, and he reluctantly agrees. Long story short, they fall in love, but Jeff is a grinch, and the girl is super wholesome and loves Christmas. In the end she warms his heart and he show up unannounced to his family’s Christmas dinner, with the girl, and they live happily ever after. 

Much like the first movie, this one is all about finding love, being with family, solving conflicts (internal or external), and living happily ever after. For many, Christmas is a time where we look toward the new year and hope that everything will go well and turn out alright. Christmas movies often mirror this in showing how people change for the better towards more loving and wholesome versions of themselves. 

Now that we’ve had a look at the typical trash let’s take a look at some of the movies that I consider to be actually high-quality bangers. Starting of course with everyone’s favourite Christmas movie: “Die hard”! This movie has typical tropes such as a failing marriage that turns for the better in the end, and puts it right into the middle of an action flick. Despite the massive amounts of deaths and destruction there’s still a happily ever after. 10/10 Christmas movie in my book. 

Another Christmas masterpiece is of course “Love Actually”. It features many of the earlier mentioned tropes of love, family, and Christmas. What differentiates it from the chaff is the setting and that it feels super realistic, or at least some of it. The movie primarily focusses on normal people and their love Christmas struggles, instead of some fantastical Christmas village. This realism also means that not all of the storylines end positively (spoilers ahead). Alan Rickman and his wife are still somewhat distant at the end, and the dude that’s in love with Keira Knightley does not get the girl at the end of the day.  

There are many more Christmas classics that are somehow elevated above the typical Hallmark trash. I could talk for much longer about works of art like “Home Alone”, “The Holiday”, “Bad Santa”, and “Elf”, but I’ll spare you the boredom. Instead, you should just go and watch your favourite Christmas movie, whether it’s trash or not, hopefully you now appreciate the classics more. Regardless, I’d like to wish you all a merry Christmas, and I’ll see you again in 2025 for more amazing articles by me!